Pillow Talk… Can you defend ‘tha Sexy Time’?

          I recently twittered about something that has caught the attention of a lot of girls I know- sex before marriage. I asked “Why is it that people nowadays don’t think of sex is sacred or special? Are there no girls out there that love themselves enough to wait?!” The response was undeniable and I know I hit a chord. But, the response wasn’t what surprised me, the answers I got are what caught me off guard.

          Without throwing spirituality into the mix, sex may seem like nothing more than an enjoyable activity between two people, but consider this. Have you ever been in a sexual relationship, pre-marriage, where one or both of you has ended up attached, co-dependant, or uncomfortably connected? Have you ever had to deal with an STD, unplanned and unwanted pregnancy, or a scare for either?

          Here is what a few people told me via e-mail. The names are changed, but the messages are not.

 

“I totally regret losing it before I was married. All it did was give me a few minutes of feeling good followed by months of feeling guilt because this guy even broke up with me the next day. And I let him have something that I know inside my heart wasn’t his at all.” 

-Jasmine

“I started having sex when I was 16 and I’m sorry but I doubt you’ll find anyone who looks at it like that. I wish I looked at it like that! I’m 19 and have a beautiful baby boy, but honestly I wasn’t ready for this. My relationship with the boy I lost it to ended terribly and I know it’s because we started letting it get physical.”

-Cinderella

“I should never have done it! I used to hold onto my virginity like it was the cure to a disease or something, but I lost it to my ex-boyfriend in high school and since then have just felt the need for it, like it’s a drug or something. I really wish I had let myself stay innocent about it all. I’m sorry but good luck finding her Tim!”

-Ariel

          In the past few years, I have witnessed numerous virgin friends not just give up their virginity, but more so just give into the idea that it was okay for them to have sex prior to marriage. I was one of them, for a time. None of those situations ended up well. Sex complicates things and changes the entire dynamics of a relationship. I have seen it so many times that it baffles me why people don’t learn from each others’ mistakes. Without fail, every person I talk to who has had sex, men and women alike, all regret losing their virginity because it wasn’t worth it to have things complicated, and it wasn’t worth living in fear of certain consequences that may or may not arise.

          So I pose the question to anyone not religious. Defend sex before marriage. Show me how it has helped you be a better person, helped you be a more attentive boyfriend or girlfriend, and how it has profited you. Anyone?

*

          Now to those who claim to know God. Is the Bible right about sex? You claim to follow God in certain things, but is sex one of them? Has sex benefited your relationships?

          Here are two responses I got from friends of mine that claim to be strong Christians. Once again the names will be changed.

“I love God. I believe in Jesus and I believe in the Bible. But I think it’s okay if you love someone to have sex. I think it’s just another way of loving them.”

-Dumbo

“I don’t think it’s always a matter of loving yourself enough to wait as much as loving sex or the other person or both. I love myself but I’m as horny as a hornitoad lol..& once you’ve experienced it, it’s very hard to stop craving it! In all respects think of it as food. Maybe that will give you a better idea.”

-Snow White

 

          Snow White and Dumbo both claim to know Christ, but have they forgotten anything that their Bible has said, -I say “their” because they say it’s their faith so I have to give them ownership of their faith’s most precious religious text- or have they just decided to pick and choose what to believe? Picking and choosing is foolish because one could choose to ignore the part about murder and still claim to know God. Would any of you give that murderer the credibility of actually knowing God and being saved? No! So why would the abuser or sexuality get the same credit?

          Food for thought. Yes, many people do make mistakes, but actively and regularly engaging in sin is not a mistake, it’s a choice. If you claim to be saved, you have been “freed from sin” according to the Bible, so why allow yourself to think of sex as food, as an activity, as something between you and your boyfriend or girlfriend? You know the spiritual ramifications!

          I am heated about this subject because for the last several years, I have not found a girl who has truly loved herself enough to wait. Most have talked big talk, and then when it boils down to it, they have the spiritual restraint of a dog in heat. It saddens me because sex is meant to be beautiful, something between two people who have chosen to give themselves to each other mind, body, and soul till death do they part.

          If you call yourself a follower of Christ, think about it please. Ask yourself if engaging in a sexual relationship is something God wants for you, and then if you are in doubt and can’t answer that question, ask your own Spiritual text… See what the Bible says about fornication and adultery, or for that matter stealing or murder. Stealing because giving it to someone not your spouse is a theft of the body, and murder because any man has to hate the guys who have “hit it and quit it” on his wife.

*

          I hope that someone else, besides the ladies that have already graciously responded to the question, will address what I have posed in the above blog. And I hope that if you call yourself a Christian, you will think through your choices of what you pick and choose from the Bible, regardless of what it is your sin asks you to ommit.  

 

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~ by Tim Kurek on September 30, 2008.

23 Responses to “Pillow Talk… Can you defend ‘tha Sexy Time’?”

  1. I think I’m going to spread the word on this blog just like the “Church and Religioon” one.

  2. I was going to write a whole long thing about what was said, but nothing was going against the comments made so I will let the blog hit cords. I agree 100% with this blog. I just pray that girls that read this and that have given up their gift don’t feel like it’s the end and their is no hope for them.
    2 of the most well known sayings amongst believers that I love :1) In God all things are possible 2) God never gives us more then we can handle
    You can stop your sexual relations even if you don’t think you can because …In God all things are possible
    The temptation that comes along will never be more then u can handle because…God never gives us more then we can handle
    Tim high five on this blog, it is a topic that is mentioned many times but never fully talked about.
    Ladies God loves you and he knows your past and he still loves you.

  3. I am Catholic and I totally agree with this blog! Its so wonderful to see someone standing up and saying sex before marriage is wrong.

    I saved myself for my now husband. It was the best thing ever. Knowing only he can have that one part of me, and only I can have that one part of him.

    Your virginity is a special gift from God. It’s a gift that should only be shared with one you truly love. Some may argue that “I want to because I love them!” Well, are you going to marry them? If the answer is no, don’t do it. If the answer is yes, don’t do it. If you go ahead and have sex with them before you are married, it is adultery against your future husband.

    Even if you are engaged, it is wrong to have sex. Being engaged doesn’t mean you are married. It is only a promise. And as we should all know promises are easily broken.

  4. calling apade a spade..but some people flops out from the game, it doesnt totally disqualify them in life. just being more intuitve and mindful that everything has reason. Striving for that purety is indeed the hardest relationally wise. however defending sexy time can be taboo especially when it is cross cultural. I agree with you bro. But what about those who did and after, the accept christ? they have a fresh start in life..

  5. God knows what’s best for us and He tells us to wait. When we go against what He says, we drown in our own selfish pride and although not everyone may experience regret, they have chosen to settle for something that does not satisfy in the long run. Stressed over and over again in Scripture, it’s not about whether or not to commit the sin–It’s all about obedience. Can we trust that Christ is who He says He is? and Can we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He has a purpose and perfect plan for our lives? Can we wait upon the Lord for His great things in our lives that are far more magnificent than anything we could ever even dream up for ourselves? Yes. We can. Do it. Trust. Wait. Obey.

  6. Thanks for the comments people!

    Phinehas, I agree with you… pre-“salvation” is a different story…

    I am talking about the fact that we have thousands of people calling themselves Christ-Ians that are going around sleeping with random people… It’s sick.

    I am trying to say that if you are going to call yourself a Christian, act like one…

    And

    If you arent speaking spiritually, tell me how sex is a good thing for a relationship?

  7. Also, this may not apply to the non-religious crowd, but I was asked by my friend Nicole to provide some Bible verses speaking against pre-marital sex.

    1 Corinthians 6:9-10 warns us, “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

    1 Corinthians 6:13b, 18 tells us, “Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without (outside) the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

    1 Corinthians 10:6-8 reads, “Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things, as they also lusted. Neither be ye idolaters, as were some of them; as it is written, The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play. Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand.”

    Galatians 5:19-21 reads, “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these, adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness … of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”

    1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel (body) in sanctification and honor, not in lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which do not know God.”

    Ephesians 5:1-3, 5, “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; and walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor. But fornication, and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not once be named among you, as becometh saints…For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.”

    Revelation 21:7-8, “He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be My son. But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”

    All of these verses clearly show us that God is 100 percent against pre-marital sex and that He commands us to not do it…

    Of course this is not something I can only relate to those that fall into the second category of people the blog talks about.

    tim

  8. I totally agree with this. Losing it once, makes you lose your innocence, something you will never be able to gain back. On your wedding day, as you walk down the aisle, in a white dress (which you should not be wearing)…… this will most likely flash through your mind. as in… why didnt i wait? was i honest with my fiance i am about to have for the rest of my life? Its hard these days to save yourself. I know that for a fact. Just keep in the word and pray. 🙂

  9. I will have to agree that what you say here is absolutely true 99% of the time with girls that have sex before marriage, but my experience is different. I’m going to be that one person (that 1%) that had a different experience. I lost my virginity at the age of 19 with my current boyfriend. I don’t regret it, nor did our relationship suffer for it. The difference with our relationship is this. If we could have had the money and if we could have thought that we were old enough to survive on our own and gotten married, we most likely would have been married. It was also 2 years after we had been dating. Mike (the boyfriend) and I started dating June 2002. We didn’t even kiss until a year into our relationship. Two years into our relationship we decided to have sex. It was one of those “heat of the moment” situations where 2 years of sexual frustration just had to be let out by the both of us. We were best friends before that, and after that. It was such a shock to us that we had done that (even though we enjoyed very minute of it) that we decided to hold off as long as we could until we just couldn’t handle it anymore. So after a few months go by we just have to give into each other to let loose some “sexual frustration”. Mike and I want to graduate college and then get married. Neither of us believes in Sex-Before-Marriage but I’d guess there are just some things that have to be released, weather it was planned or not. We’re two very sexual beings. Most people are. I have dated less guys in my life than I can count on two hands, and kissed less than I can count with one hand. Don’t give into temptation with a guy/girl because you want them to like you better. That was a rule for me always while growing up. If I ever felt like that, I ended it then and there. I didn’t want a guy that had been used once. I had never been the type of girl to take someone else’s sloppy seconds. That’s right, Mike was a virgin too the first time we made love. I’m not going to give the “love at first sight speech” because it wasn’t like that for us at all when we first met, (he says it was, but I had to be converted to wanting to date again). I wasn’t even looking to date anyone when we met. Learn to be picky because there are all types of guys out there and observation of them can teach a girl a lot about them. That goes the same for guys.

    Here’s some advise for you virgins out there….Time is a virtue. There’s plenty of it and if you’re dating the right type of guy/girl, then they should know that taking the time to get to know each other is the most important thing in a relationship. Friendship, trust without jealously, and honesty with each other should be held in high standards if things are going to really work out. Don’t mix your religions in relationships either unless one or the other is going to start to believe the same as the other when it comes to God. That’s the MOST important thing to get straight. A set of values in both your lives should be equally the same.

    I don’t condone Sex-Before-Marriage at all. If you can wait, then its best that you do. Stay pure until you find that one person that you know you can’t live without. A flirt is a flirt, a crush is a crush, but love is much different….and some of you that think you have experienced it probably haven’t yet. That’s why once you give it, you loose it and the guy/girl as well. I observed many friends that had this happen to them. Some of which got a kid out of the unhealthy deal. It’s what gets most young girls confused. They think its “love” when its flirtation and lust. There’s a difference guy and gals.

    I’m blessed to have mike. I’m now almost 24 and about to graduate in the fall of 2oo9. We’re still together, still living in separate homes, and haven’t had sex in over a year. I love him more with every day that God blesses us with. I meant what I said when I said we try to hold off as long as we can. Its work, but it’s totally worth it. I promise. God has a plan for you. If a guy/girl wants something that you know isn’t the right time to do in the relationship, and you say no, and they dump you, than good reddens. If it’s meant to be, God will make it be.

    I’m going to shut up now. Sorry for such a long response Tim. 

  10. “”I am heated about this subject because for the last several years, I have not found a girl who has truly loved herself enough to wait””

    Really? Not even one?

    I know many Christian men and woman in their 20s who are still virgins (including myself).

  11. One more thing. Reading over what I just wrote I noticed that I left out a very important point. I forgot to mention in the above statement that we had changed our views later in the relationship on “having sex to release that “sexual frustration”. I know that what Mike and I did is still against what the bible says is right. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m’ trying to justify what we did because such a thing to do isn’t justifiable in God’s eyes. That’s why we haven’t had sex in over a year. We were young and dumb and I still don’t regret it was him I lost my virginity to, but I do regret that I lost my virginity before marriage. I’m in that 1% population that fell for the right guy and still had it work out in the end. It doesn’t mean that I (we) regret using such a gift before marriage. We both prayed to God about the loss of control we had on things. (It’s true that God will only give you as much as you can handle). We asked for Gods forgiveness and have vowed to not have sex again until the knot is tied. What’s the purpose of marriage if you don’t save the one thing that’s supposed to be saved for marriage? A sin is a sin, and if you’re going to ask forgiveness of a sin, then make a commitment to not commit that sin again. He can give you the strength to do so. Asking Gods forgiveness isn’t like a library, you can check in and out with God with “forgiveness prayers” every time you’ve sinned. We know where we went wrong, and we’ve vowed to get straight with God to fix it. We know we’ll be together in the end, until the end.
    I can’t believe I left this out.

    I hope this makes more sense now. ><

  12. Cyndee, thanks so much for the comment! I appreciate your story. I will just say this though, when it gets to hard to fight, you HAVE to fight harder… Your decisions are your decisions, and I am not judging you, just saying that I don’t honestly see a situation where you can’t wait.

  13. This comment might ruffle some feathers but I’d like to give a different perspective. Sex is still sex weather within or outside of a binding contract of committment. The issues that you mentioned…”Have you ever been in a sexual relationship, pre-marriage, where one or both of you has ended up attached, co-dependant, or uncomfortably connected? Have you ever had to deal with an STD, unplanned and unwanted pregnancy, or a scare for either?”,… these issues also exist within the boundaries of marriage. The guilt that people feel when they lose their virginity too soon comes from years of religious people telling them that they are bad if they do it. Nobody wants to be thought of as bad. And if you believe in hell, it also comes from the fear that you’ve earned a spot there for committing this evil deed. I see no reason to think sex outside of marriege is any different than inside marriage. If you are married and have sex, you’ll obviously get attatched, you may both still become co-dependent, there may even be unwanted pregnancies. Sex is very important in most relationships and especially in a marriage. If you wait and find out that you are not sexually compatable, you can almost guarantee that one or both partners might resort to cheating to find sexual satisfaction therefore bringing in the risks of STD’s in a marriage. A piece of paper that legally binds you to someone for all eternity, (or until you feel like breaking up and getting a divorce), does not protect you from anything except maybe the guilt. And that guilt is self-induced. I don’t believe in god. The only person judging you is you and other Fundamentalist Christians.

  14. Melissa, THANK YOU!!!!

    You hit on several major points I wanted this to go…

    So you are an atheist? Let’s talk sex outside of religion and in terms of only the act itself and if the conversation leads that way, broad spirituality.

    This is where I was asking the questions: “So I pose the question to anyone not religious. Defend sex before marriage. Show me how it has helped you be a better person, helped you be a more attentive boyfriend or girlfriend, and how it has profited you. Anyone?”

    No in regards to the relationship of marriage… Marriage is a lot different from any other type of relationship. Think, two non-related (related if you are from West Virginia, but I digress), willing participants who enter into a legally binding, and spiritually sanctioned, traditional union… Isn’t that a lot different from “A piece of paper that legally binds you to someone for all eternity, (or until you feel like breaking up and getting a divorce)”?

    And as far as the act of sex is concerned, we all have different views of its purpose and it’s place… But which view point causes less stress and pain.

    If a baby is conceived in marriage and its a surprise, isn’t that easier than a baby conceived to two people not married? Before you answer that, ask yourself why adoption agencies will much more readily give a married couple a kid than a single person…

    If you are married, and one of you has an STD, both of you will know it and plan accordingly. Married people usually don’t just catch random STD’s from their spouses, unless the spouse 1. is cheating, or 2. had a pre-existing condition.

    On to co-dependence. Isn’t it better to be co-dependent on a spouse than someone you aren’t married too and aren’t married people supposed to be somewhat co-dependent?

    You said… “The guilt that people feel when they lose their virginity too soon comes from years of religious people telling them that they are bad if they do it. Nobody wants to be thought of as bad.” I agree, but the problem is not religious people telling them they are bad to do so, the problem is instinctive.

    You may say that its natural for people to have multiple partners because we were created to desire that physical contact. I say that it may be our natural desire, but even more strongly is our desire for monogamy, especially where procreation comes into play. It provides for a stronger genetic line, healthier children, and a more ordered environment. Call that evolution, or creation… It’s irrelevant.

    Now as far as sex in a relationship. Have you ever seen how much easier it is for a relationship to become unstable after premarital sex? Read the statistics. Our physical actions have a VERY strong connection to our emotional state of being. Next time you are sick ask yourself why you are grumpy. Same thing.

    Of course this is all my opinion, and I appreciate your time having this conversation! And I DEFINITELY appreciate someone commenting that holds a differing viewpoint… You are one of a kind Melissa. Talk to you soon!

  15. “Have you ever been in a sexual relationship, pre-marriage, where one or both of you has ended up attached, co-dependant, or uncomfortably connected? Have you ever had to deal with an STD, unplanned and unwanted pregnancy, or a scare for either?”

    I have been in a pre-marital sexual relationship, and sex alone does not leave me attached, because I have been attached to someone without sex. Co-dependancy is a bad thing whether you are married or not, because everyone has their time to go and if one goes without the other it leaves the co-dependent individual with lots of issues other than losing their spouse. If you have sex the way I do, where it has meaning and is not used just to satisfy some need you may have, you don’t get uncomfortably attached to anyone. I have not dealt with an STD or an unplanned pregnancy, but I do have married friends who have dealt with these issues. Just because you wait until you are married doesn’t guarantee that your partner won’t “get bored” and look eleswhere, thus the risk for an STD, mainly because this would probably include a prostitute of some kind. As far as the unwanted pregnancy, if you are not married and your partner doesn’t want a child then you have the choice to raise it yourself, but if you are married and in this scenario, that decision gets a bit more difficult. I don’t believe the Bible, but I believe in God, So no biblical basis is here.

  16. I am a Christian, I am 21, and I am still a virgin. I’ve come close, but God has helped me to stop before I went all the way. It’s been hard, but it will be so rewarding when I get married and I have that gift for my wife. I encourage the virgins out there, stay strong!

  17. Well actually i can defend it. I gave my virginity up to a guy who was like no other. I knew from the day we met that he was the guy i wanted to be with for always. We were in a relationship for a while before the event took place, but, after that when we were together, and i don’t mean together as in “in bed together, but when we were out holding hands at the mall or playing around at the park or hanging with friends, every touch of any parts of our bodies seemed like it had a spark to it. It did make us closer than ever! We are married now and have two beautiful children! And my daughter was an unexpected pregnancy. But, that didn’t change the way i felt about him in the least. We will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary this December. I wouldn’t give the night i lost m virginity up for anything. I got a wonderful husband, two beautiful and briliant children, and i am finishing my last year of college to become an R.N. Now as far as knowing right from wrong I knew in my heart of hearts that we were going to be together forever. My boyfriend at that time, my husbnd now, and i talked it over before we did anything and in his heart of hearts he knew we were right for each other as well. But as for the bible and what it says… well what is a marriage anyway, except a commitment to the lord giving your everything to one man or women. In our hearts we had already did that. Now if you want to get into the legal issues of a marriage then you have to have a pastor and a peice of paper by the courts saying yes you got married so according to the legal standards of marriage no we wern’t married and so by the legal part it was wrong and against the law. Now you have to ask your self who would you wrather have the wrath of the law come down on you or the wrath of God to come down on you? However, by no means am i saying that before you hop into bed tell god you think this is the right guy for you and then it’s okay to “do it”. But, i am saying if you realy mean it and so does he and you do make that commitment to God then who is the law to say you arn’t married already. It just depends on how you look at marriage . But as for you, to look at the girls and judge them the way you do isn’t that going against the bible as well. John 8:7 “…He that is without sin amoung you, let him first cast a stone at her.” you said that you have even indulged your self in the unsanctified action of fornication. So even if you have stopped haveing intercourse you still have the same sin that you are judging these other women for. Read 1 Samuel 2:25.

  18. I’ve never denied my one relationship where I faltered in this way. As for your relationship… Your boyfriend was exactly that getting married, a boy, not ready for the relationship being forced upon him. I remember those days with less fondness and more reality, but at that I have to stop.

    And just to clear something up… I am not judging these girls, I am questioning where their view of sex became so shallow…

  19. You know, I read a few of these comments back and I have to laugh at the ignorance presented.

    It’s like we “choose” to forget how to use our conscious and purposefully pick and choose what we will take from Christianity.

    Two really quick points to make.

    1. To faith and ANY other person commenting who claims to be a Christian… You can not justify fornication. PERIOD. It is sin and there is no circumstance where it is okay. God says that we have to honor the laws of Ceasar unless they contradict his laws. Therefore, marriage has to be validated by the government and has to be performed through a union properly sanctioned. Faith, you may have known in your heart, but there were times your marriage almost didn’t go through, up until 6 days before the wedding. To make it all happy fun and games is to remember it all falsely. You guys were pretty much forced to get married because of a surprise pregnancy… That’s it. There was no real choice in it. It was a mistake that you guys were able to make right because of supportive families. The difference between me and my fornication and you guys and yours is that I never tried to justify it. I always felt in my soul, guilt, remorse and pain for what I was doing to my God, and you just sat back and defended yourself by trying to rationalize why you did what you did. This is sin people. I hate to be an ass, but if you claim to be a Christian then the Bible has to be taken seriously.

    2. Christianity is NOT a buffet that you pick and choose what to follow. You either believe it, and do what you can, or you don’t. I am what people consider an emerging Christian, meaning I am more liberal in my beliefs than most. But even I can not justify sin to fit my own BAD choices..

    Faith, I read your verses and neither apply because:
    1. I’m not judging, Im asking a question, and
    2. I’m not in any kind of a sexually sinful relationship.

    Thanks for all of your time!

    And please forgive the spelling and grammar mistakes. I wrote this half asleep in the dark.

  20. I thoroughly enjoyed this blog and the comments of a few ignorant people (who shall remain nameless) even more.

    To the author, well done in pegging the issue so furiously upon the head. While I claim no official religion, I agree with your conclusions regarding the desensitizing of ourselves as a culture to things that were once held to be sacred and pure. We’ve perverted them and left them to rot in the ditch beside other creeds and ethical charges we also placed on a pedestal. We call child murder “abortion” because it softens the blow. We look at promiscuity as a means of “exploring our personal boundaries” instead of calling it what it is: complete lack of self-control by a person too immature to hold themselves accountable.

    Anyhoo, before I start to rant too hard. Good job again, Mr. Kurek. Good job.

  21. I agree. I’m in high school, and I see this stuff all the time. I actually have a dear friend that has recently become what seems to be a slave to pleasure. It’s all she thinks about, wants, and is connected too. It saddens me to see and environment saturated with such sin and brokenness. I’m in it every day. Mr. Kurek, continue to speak what’s on your heart.

    Jordan
    http://www.theriverjordan.net

  22. I love God and am religious. But I believe if sex is a genuine expression of love, between two who truly love and care for each other, I see absolutely nothing wrong- if they are willing to marry each other. I feel the true evil is not valuing the sanctity in marriage, if pregnancy occurs you have to be prepared and willing to be married, and not divorce but love and live with each other and the family forever. As long as the people making love are mature and old enough to take responsibility and are autonomous decision makers who do the right thing if the unexpected results. Just make sure you are prepared for the outcome- (emotionally and financially) assume the most undesirable outcome. Becoming pregnant is a real possibility, so make sure you are truly in love. If you are truly in love, you would care about the family that could result. Some don’t know what love is until 35, others do at 15 but can’t take care of a family yet, but if you care more about the other person and not your own feelings being with them forever and making it official in the eyes of god and family is the right thing to do if pregnancy occurs.

  23. Eat drink and be merry. Jesus drank wine but he was not a drunk. (Noah drank wine, etc….). Addictions of anything or use of it to escape or abuse of it is wrong. But this does not make sex or wine a sin. But to enhance true love and the joy in life, or to enjoy life, there is no sin. Abuse, selfishness, ignorance, and excess of anything is sin. We must work the land we were made from, but there is nowhere in the bible it says you can’t value or enjoy this life as well. Responsibility is hard work. But you are responsible for your actions. If you truly love someone you would want to see them happy and would wait for sex until you are both fully prepared for a life together and fully ready to happily be married.

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